6 steps to prepare your child for school
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The prospect of starting school can be exciting, but also nerve-wracking for children. To set your child up for a successful first day, try these strategies:
1. Start a Countdown
Children often don’t have a clear concept of time. They may know that school is starting “soon” but have no real concept of what that means.
Creating a countdown can help your child understand that their routine will be changing and that school is coming up. It’s a good idea to do this on a calendar so you can SHOW them exactly how many weeks, or days, are left until school starts.
How often you show your child the calendar is a bit of a balancing act, but for most, a weekly update is enough. For example, every Monday over the summer holidays, go to the calendar with your child to show them “five weeks to school…”, “four weeks to school…”, etc.
Of course, if your child brings up the topic themselves then follow their lead.
Starting school is exciting, so make sure you reflect this in your tone of voice when you go to the calendar to do your countdowns.
2. Talk to your child about what happens at school
Talking to your child about what happens at school, who their teachers will be and what drop off will be like will create familiarity and confidence. Having these conversations early, and with visual cues is also a great way to create space for your children to share their concerns.
The Courageous Kids app offers a carefully crafted set of stories about starting school. These can be further personalised for your child, as the app allows you to upload your own photos (of your child’s teachers, the school environment, their classroom, etc).
When adults start a new job they get an orientation and welcome pack, why shouldn’t our children get the same? Printing out the Courageous Kids stories about starting school and reading one book every few days is your child’s welcome pack to school.
Starting school is an important, exciting but sometimes daunting milestone. This is an easy and fun way to share their excitement and soothe their fears.
3. Visit Visit Visit
Even if your child has siblings or friends at their school, it’s still a new environment, likely to be larger and more intimidating than childcare or kindergarten. Take your child to see their new school several times over the school holidays to make it more familiar.
On the first visit, just go up to the gate where they will enter on their first morning. If possible, peep through the gate and point out what you can see, for example “Oh, there’s your playground!” or “Ah, there are the water fountains” and “hey, your classroom is through there”!
On the second visit walk the perimeter of the school. It’s important that your child starts to get their bearings around school. Talk to your child about the direction of your house and other key landmarks in relation to their school. This will help them feel safe and secure, knowing that familiar environments are not far away. This process gently shows children that the new school is a part of their world.
On another visit, walk from the front gate of the school to the nearest café or shopping strip. Get a drink or a snack together and tell your child that this is where you will come for a coffee after you drop them off at school on the first day. If you will never have time for this don’t make it up! Instead, tell them that this is where lots of the school mums and dads go for a coffee after they drop their kids at school. This reassures children that after school drop off parents don’t vanish, they stay nearby and are still thinking about their kids.
4. School is not an island
School must not seem like a distant island, far from home. If your child’s school is in a new suburb or unfamiliar area, your child may feel isolated and disorientated. You can help overcome this by showing your child the route from their house to school several times. This is best done by foot, scooter or bike. If you have to go by car, make sure you point out all the landmarks along the way and teach your child the major street names.
Every time you drive past the school or are in the vicinity, point out where it is and give it a wave “hello” and “goodbye”. You could say “Hi School!” when you are approaching, and “Bye School!” as you pass. Talk about how far school is from home, emphasising its proximity to familiar landmarks. This will cement their school as a new and exciting part of their world.
You can also discuss with your child how far school is in “minutes by car” and how long it will take them to get to and from school by your most common mode of transport (bike, scooter, walking).
All this will allow your child to locate their school in relation to other familiar places, and will help them understand that they are still connected to you and to their familiar, safe, environments.
5. Involve your child in getting the things they need
School is a whole new beginning. This is a great opportunity to foster excitement and joy!
Let your child choose their school lunch box and water bottle. These are exciting items, something special, just for them. Involve your child when you label these items. Your child could tell you where they want you to write their name, and how. Ask them whether they want an extra symbol next to their name to help them recognise what is theirs. For example, you could draw a little star, a flower, a ladybird or whatever will be fun and meaningful. Offer what you can manage and let your child choose. This allows your child to feel a sense of pride and ownership.
Children with an older sibling or cousin that they look up to may now identify with them more and feel they share a common bond. Those with younger siblings who are not yet at school, may enjoy doing these special “school ready” jobs and feel excited, responsible and proud. These simple activities give children agency as they prepare for school and can help them to feel proud of themselves for starting something new.
6. Buy and wear your school shoes early
The last thing you or your child wants for their first day of school is to be uncomfortable or distressed because of new shoes pinching and rubbing. There are so many new things about starting school, that any part of the process that can be made familiar will help.
Take your child to shop for shoes and let your child tell the shop assistant why they need these new shoes. Give your child as many opportunities as possible to look forward to starting school and talk about it with others.
Do not save these shoes for day one of school! Wear them for short periods at home and check for blisters! You do not want any source of discomfort on your child’s first days. Make sure the shoes are truly comfy and worn in a bit. It may seem a bit mad to be wearing heavy black school shoes in the middle of summer but even if you try for one or two hours a day inside the house, it is a good start.
So that’s it!
Talk about school with enthusiasm. Make those stories and read them a couple of times. Then, visit and have the gear you need.
Finally, CONGRATULATIONS Mums and Dads, for getting to this very exciting milestone.
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Managing the Chaos of Christmas
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How to support your child over the holidays
As the end of year races towards us, amidst the bustle to finish up, tidy up and catch up… it’s worth thinking about how this change of pace affects our children.
If we briefly pause to consider some of the challenges our children will face at this time, we will be better equipped to understand the feelings and context behind any tears or troubles.
Four common challenges faced by kids at this time of year are:
1. Loss of routine
Most kids like things to be predictable. It helps them feel more settled and secure. With ‘school’ done, many of your child’s usual routines will have vanished!
Routines are more than just getting things done. They provide a framework that helps children to feel secure. Without them, your child may feel adrift, “bored”, or anxious.
2. New and tricky emotions
Your child may have recently said a final goodbye to a much-loved creche, kinder or school teacher. Goodbyes are hard!
Even if your child doesn’t fully comprehend “ending”, they will know that a change has happened. That can lead to feelings of uncertainty and worry. Your child may also be missing their teacher and their “school” routine.
3. Unmet expectations
Your child may assume that as they are spending more time at home, they will have more time playing WITH YOU. This is a reasonable expectation – if you’re home, and they’re home, isn’t it to spend time together?!
Yet this isn’t always possible – leading to feelings of disappointment, frustration and even anger.
It’s important to acknowledge how hard it is for your child to be at home with parents nearby but unavailable.
4. Big family functions
‘Tis the season … and that involves gathering the extended family together for that special day, or two, or more. The noise and bustle of Christmas or other holiday gatherings can be tricky enough, but when coupled with being with relatives who seem like strangers, it can be overwhelming for some children.
Just acknowledging these changes and challenges helps us be more responsive and emotionally connected if tears or meltdowns do occur.
How you can support your child through the holidays – As always, PREPARATION IS POWER!!
Here are my 5 go-to solutions to prepare your children for all these events
1. Explain what’s going to happen.
When we let kids know what will happen, and give them time to process it, we remove any nasty surprise factor.
You can do this in many ways:
- In words
- In pictures
- In stories
- In song
- In play
As always, a combination is best!
2. Create visual plans
The lovely part of holidays – the freedom to take each day as it comes – can also be challenging for kids who love routine. One thing that you can keep consistent, is to create a plan, in picture form, of what will happen each day.
This plan doesn’t have to be written with military precision!! Rather, it’s a springboard to include your child in decision-making about the day, give them an overview of what will happen, and some choice within a general framework.
This picture plan, known as a “visual plan” is great for reducing anxiety. Children can see exactly what will happen and can independently check in on the plan as often as needed.
In our family, we commonly use a visual plan to outline the morning routine. It nurtures autonomy and reduces nagging! Rather than asking my kids to brush their teeth or get dressed, I can just ask them “What’s next on your plan?” and then congratulate them when they work it out for themselves. We also have a plan of the day, so that they can see the times that I will be playing with them, and the times they need to play independently.
3. Create stories
To explain larger events, stories can be helpful. For example if there will be a big family event, your story could start like this:
“My name is [Jo] and I am 4 years old. On Christmas day, we will go to Grandma’s house. All my cousins and aunties and uncles will be there! …”
(Then continue the story to briefly outline what will happen and who will be there.)
You would illustrate this story with photos or pictures. This type of story is called a “social story” or “social script”. Letting children SEE what will happen as well as explaining it in words is a great way to calm any worries.
4. Create little routines
One of my favourite micro-routines is having a goodbye song. It builds structure and routine into transitions (moving from one activity to another) and changing situations. You will use your goodbye song a LOT over the holidays. Both for your big goodbyes, eg to relatives at the end of family functions, and for your small ones, eg to swings, playgrounds, libraries, cafes and beaches!
5. Make time to check-in
Throughout all the rush and change in routine, make some quiet time each day just to be with your child. You might ask how they’re going or just mention how you are feeling about some of the changes. This creates space for your child to process any tricky feelings and share them with you. At these times you may also come up with some strategies with your child to navigate upcoming situations. For example, during one of these moments my son and I decided that if it got too noisy and busy at Christmas lunch, he would come and squeeze my hand and that was my signal to take him into a quiet room and read a book together.
Remember you don’t have to do it all alone!!
If arts and crafts or creative writing isn’t your thing, you can create visual plans and personalised stories for your child in minutes with the Courageous Kids app.
Wishing you a wonderful festive season!
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How to make your own social stories in 6 easy steps
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The concept of teaching through social stories was originally developed to assist children with anxiety and autism but has been expanded as a useful tool for all children faced with change. Social stories are brief descriptions of a particular situation, event, or activity, which include the perspective of those involved. The use of social stories has been found to be an effective way to teach children about expected behaviors and social norms.
I’ve outlined the steps below for creating your own Social Stories.
1. Choose a single goal
Each story should have only 1 focus. This may be a single event, a certain behaviour or situation. Be clear in your own mind about the point of your story.
2. Keep it short
Short sentences ensure clarity. Short stories, especially around tricky issues, make it easier to keep children engaged. Once you’ve made your point, the story is done. You can spend time discussing the issue after you’ve finished the story, but don’t make the story itself too laborious.
3. Add colour with detail
Small details that resonate with your child will keep your story lively and engaging. They can also add humour. For example, if your child’s teacher has a friendly quirk – a big smile, towering height, heavy eyeliner or a past life as an engineer – include this in your story. When I introduced my son to his teachers in story form, I wrote “Mr Squiggle is the art teacher. He is good at building tall sculptures as he used to be an engineer.”
4. Ensure accuracy
This is essential! Accuracy builds trust and ensures you stay on topic. No doubt your child will pull you up on incorrect details – but this will derail the story. Worse, if your story is incorrect, you risk losing your child’s confidence.
5. Introduce emotions
But, never state how your child or others will feel. You might say “some kids feel nervous when”… Or “mum thinks my teacher will be happy if…”. Acknowledging tricky feelings is important, but you cant assume anything! Leave a lot of wriggle room eg “I might have some jiggly feelings..”
6. Write from the first person
Eg My name is [child’s name]. I am 4 years old.
7. Don’t give false reassurance
You can’t promise a teacher is kind if you have never met them or that a party will be fun. Its more honest to say – “mum thinks the teacher is really kind” or “Mum has heard that the teacher is really kind” or even “mum and I hope the teacher will be really kind”
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How to reduce your child’s vaccine anxiety – preparation key
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Your child has probably heard about Coronavirus by now and may have some worries. They may also already have heard about “a vaccine” but not know what this is.
The following anxiety-reducing method is appropriate not just for the COVID-19 vaccine but can help with all vaccines (immunisations) administered by a needle, such as Influenza, Diptheria, Tetanus, Pertussis (whooping cough), meningococcus etc.
It’s the “Not Knowing” that makes things scary for kids. So, I’ve made a 5-step breakdown of how to explain having a vaccine to your child.
Each step has a separate main point that you want to get across to your child. Following each step, in order, allows a natural flow to the discussion and gives your child the chance to voice concerns or ask questions.
I’ve written the discussion exactly as you might say it, in this font. This approach worked for my kids from about age 3 onwards. The younger the child, the simpler your language will be:
Step 1 – You need to have an injection
There’s a virus in the world called Coronavirus, or COVID, which can make people very sick.
But we now have medicines to stop people from getting sick, even if they catch the virus.
There is a special medicine called a vaccine.
It’s a tiny injection that stops you from getting sick, even if you catch the Coronavirus.
Pretty handy hey?!
Then PAUSE and see if your child asks any questions.
If your child doesn’t know what an injection is:
It’s a very thin needle that goes this far (hold your thumb and index finger 1 cm apart) in your arm for about 3 seconds to give the medicine to your body.
The focus in on how this vaccine prevents serious illness, but your child will by now be thinking about the injection. So here is the next step.
Step 2 – You can do this! You’ve already had loads of injections
Do you know you’ve already had heaps of injections? (At this point I like to bring out their immunisation record for them to hold, and we look at it together).
You had an injection when you were born.
Then you had more when you were 2 months old, 4 months old, 6 months old, 1 year old, 1 ½ year old, and 4 years old!
You’ve had heaps – and you were super brave for all of them!
At this point, your child may want to count up the number of injections they have had. They may also be very interested in how they went with all these injections. This is a great time to follow your child’s lead, as well as reflect on those experiences (which they probably won’t remember).
Step 3 – Reflect on previous injection experiences
If your child asks how they went previously:
Well, you cried when you were a baby.
You were too little for me to explain what would happen, so it was a big shock.
But as you got older, you got braver and braver. Sometimes you cried a bit, but you sat on my lap and had a big cuddle and it was over really quickly.
One time, they blew bubbles and distracted you, and you hardly even noticed!
Depending on how playful your child is feeling, you might show them what happened (a bit like the Bluey “Doctors” episode):
When you were little the injection was like this (poke them gently in the thigh and say) “Sting!” right here in your thigh! (Why? Because that was your chubbiest bit!).
Step 4 – Be honest. It will hurt, but not much.
This time, now you’re big, you will have the injection in your arm.
You will feel the needle (Yes, it IS a needle, no need to make a big deal of it), but you’ve had heaps of ouchier things. (Your child may think of all the pains they’ve had before – this is very helpful because you can then relate this vaccine to their previous experiences.)
If your child doesn’t bring up previous pains:
It will sting more than a mozzie bite but will hurt a lot less than falling off your bike and way less than a bee sting.
And the sting only lasts for about 5 seconds, maybe less. (Then count 5 seconds together)
- Be ready to have the conversation about how much it will hurt more than once. Reassure your child every time that they will feel it, but that it is far less painful than so many other experiences they’ve already had.
- NOTE: “It will hurt a bit, but I know you’ll be ok” will be more reassuring than “you’ll be fine”.
Step 5 – Explain the practicalities
For this part, the amount of detail you give will depend on your child’s age and how much they want to know. Feel free to bring this down to the key steps of: when it is (day), how you will get there, and who will be with them the whole time.
For those with kids who want to know everything, here it is (but you might break this up a lot with discussion along the way).
We are going to get the vaccine on Thursday.
That’s 2 sleeps away.
We will go by car.
After we park the car, we will put on our masks and go into the vaccination centre/pharmacy.
There will probably be a queue.
They might ask us to use the hand sanitiser and will take our temperature.
Then they check our details and show us how to get to the nurse’s station.
You will sit on my lap, like this (practice child sitting on your lap, side on, and take the opportunity to give them a sneaky hug).
The nurse will give you the injection (Sting!) and I’ll give you a big hug.
After the injection we sit in a waiting area for 15 minutes, just to check you are ok.
Then, we can go home.
Your arm might be a bit achy that night, or it might be fine.
When we get to the car/ home …(Insert your treat here.
For my kids, I said: We will take the iPad and you can watch TV all the way home.)
If you want to set it out as dot points or make a visual plan (you can use the visual planning tool within the Courageous Kids app) here are the 10 steps involved. when you go to a vaccination hub:
10 steps when you go to a vaccination hub:
- Follow the entry signs
- Hand sanitiser
- Join the queue
- Temperature Check
- Check-in
- You might get a treat (fidget spinners)
- Await your vaccine station (there was a 9 ¾)
- Meet your nurse & Get VAXXED!
- Wait 15 min for obs – this is a good time for a cuddle.
- Go home!!
Final Thoughts
If you can see that your child is still worried, ASK them which part is worrying them the most. After you have addressed the first worry, ask if they have any other worries. You may need this conversation, or parts of it, more than once.
Do not be surprised if your child later asks…but why do I have to have it? Or but how does it work?
Don’t worry. My blogs on But WHY do I need it? And How does it work? Are coming soon!
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The importance of Debrief with your kids after a vaccination
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Your kids will be going back for a second dose – the debrief is SUPER important to ensure a smooth next vaccination (although always good to do preparation again).
It’s easy to put a big Job Done line through the vaccine once it’s over, but your child may still be processing the experience.
Here are my top 4 debrief tips
1. Ask how they felt it went and validate all feelings.
I could see my youngest was subdued in the hours after the vaccine. So I started the conversation with “Having a vaccine was a big deal, wasn’t it?” Whereas for my eldest, who was completely fine, I just asked “how did you find all that?”
You can open things up with the classic: “What was the best part and what was the worst?” Sometimes the worst will be a surprise answer (eg I was bored waiting in the queue), and something that you can easily address next time.
2. Poke fun at the scary bits where you can!
Making fun of anything difficult is a great way to make it less scary. My boys chose to make jokes, so I followed their lead. No matter how silly, all joking is to be encouraged. My kids decided that the needle was like Gru’s nose (yes, Mr Gru from Despicable Me).
3. Tell them how proud you are.
Tell your children at the time and again later, on several occasions,how proud you are of them for being so brave.
4. Believe your child if they tell you they are “feeling sick”.
Your child may well be tired, particularly if they were very nervous or found the whole process tricky. Be gentle with them. We had a PJ afternoon reading Star Wars cartoons in bed. Having that mum-time (it was me in this case, but any significant grownup), not being pushed to do anything else, was just what they needed.
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